E o întâmplare a fiinţei mele
şi atunci fericirea dinlăuntrul meu
e mai puternică decât mine, decât oasele mele,
pe care mi le scrâşneşti într-o îmbrăţişare
mereu dureroasă, minunată mereu.
Să stăm de vorbă, să vorbim, să spunem cuvinte
lungi, sticloase, ca nişte dălţi ce despart
fluviul rece în delta fierbinte,
ziua de noapte, bazaltul de bazalt.
Du-mă, fericire, în sus, şi izbeşte-mi
tâmpla de stele, până când
lumea mea prelungă şi în nesfârşire
se face coloană sau altceva
mult mai înalt şi mult mai curând.
Ce bine că eşti, ce mirare că sunt!
Doua cântece diferite, lovindu-se amestecându-se,
două culori ce nu s-au văzut niciodată,
una foarte de jos, întoarsă spre pământ,
una foarte de sus, aproape ruptă
în înfrigurata, neasemuita luptă
a minunii că eşti, a-ntâmplării că sunt.
Ce bine ca eşti – Nichita Stanescu
miercuri, 29 decembrie 2010
duminică, 19 decembrie 2010
50 Questions to Ask Yourself
1. How do you really feel about what you are doing right now at this exact moment?
2. What is your fondest childhood memory? Who was there? What was going on?
3. How comfortable are you in your home?
4. How comfortable are you in your town/city? State?
5. What kind of weather do you like?
6. Do you believe you can have your cake and eat it, too? Why or why not?
7. What is one quality about your parent(s) that you really loved?
8. What is one quality about your parent(s) that you really do not like?
9. Do you like what you are doing for money?
10. What do you feel is your greatest skill?
11. What do you feel is your greatest personality trait?
12. Do you feel like anything in your life is holding you back from ultimate joy? List everything.
13. Write a paragraph or two about your ideal weekend/time away from work. Include location, sights, smells, food, activities, and people.
14. How close are you in proximity to the people you absolutely adore the most?
15. What do you want out of life?
16. How do you think people will remember you, when you die?
17. How do you want people to remember you, when you die?
18. Write your epitaph - the sentence you would want to appear on your grave.
19. What is one thing you could do today, this week, this month, or this year to get a step closer to creating the legacy in #17?
20. How do you feel about your home furnishings?
21. Do you have a hobby that you like to do but you don’t get paid for? What is it?
22. Does money hold you back from anything? What does it hold you back from? Be very specific.
23. What do you think of passionate people?
24. Do you know anyone who you feel is living their dream? Who? What do they do all day and night? Be very specific.
25. Do you think you can be completely satisfied living where you do right now?
26. What do you want to accomplish?
27. Do you want to change your career?
28. Do you wish you lived closer to a certain someone or group of people?
29. Do you wish you lived in a foreign country or a far away state?
30. What are three things that you do everyday that make you totally happy?
31. What do you want to pass on to your children?
32. What is something you have never tried but would like to?
33. Are there things in life you wish you could reverse or make right?
34. Do you feel like you have enough money to live the way you want to?
35. Are you happy when you think about the upcoming day and all that it comes with?
36. What do you find challenging?
37. What do you find thrilling?
38. What are three memories you haven’t yet created but you would like to?
39. Do you feel energized when you work?
40. Do you feel creative when you work?
41. Describe what you consider work, and what you consider play. What are the differences?
42. Do you feel blessed or lucky to wake up each day? How can you get to that point?
43. If all of your debt was forgiven tomorrow, and you had a completely clean slate, what is the very FIRST thing you would change about your life?
44. Where are three places you have always thought about living but never did?
45. When do you want to retire?
46. Is there an award or accolade you have always dreamed of winning or being recognized for?
47. If you could learn how and money was not an issue, is there anything else you would do for work besides what you are doing now? Be specific.
48. List three things you would immediately change about your work day if you were the boss (assumes you are not the boss).
49. List three things you would immediately start doing on the weekends if you had the money.
50. Imagine it is a big holiday and you are with your loved ones and you are living what you truly love. When they ask what you have been doing, what do you say in reply?
2. What is your fondest childhood memory? Who was there? What was going on?
3. How comfortable are you in your home?
4. How comfortable are you in your town/city? State?
5. What kind of weather do you like?
6. Do you believe you can have your cake and eat it, too? Why or why not?
7. What is one quality about your parent(s) that you really loved?
8. What is one quality about your parent(s) that you really do not like?
9. Do you like what you are doing for money?
10. What do you feel is your greatest skill?
11. What do you feel is your greatest personality trait?
12. Do you feel like anything in your life is holding you back from ultimate joy? List everything.
13. Write a paragraph or two about your ideal weekend/time away from work. Include location, sights, smells, food, activities, and people.
14. How close are you in proximity to the people you absolutely adore the most?
15. What do you want out of life?
16. How do you think people will remember you, when you die?
17. How do you want people to remember you, when you die?
18. Write your epitaph - the sentence you would want to appear on your grave.
19. What is one thing you could do today, this week, this month, or this year to get a step closer to creating the legacy in #17?
20. How do you feel about your home furnishings?
21. Do you have a hobby that you like to do but you don’t get paid for? What is it?
22. Does money hold you back from anything? What does it hold you back from? Be very specific.
23. What do you think of passionate people?
24. Do you know anyone who you feel is living their dream? Who? What do they do all day and night? Be very specific.
25. Do you think you can be completely satisfied living where you do right now?
26. What do you want to accomplish?
27. Do you want to change your career?
28. Do you wish you lived closer to a certain someone or group of people?
29. Do you wish you lived in a foreign country or a far away state?
30. What are three things that you do everyday that make you totally happy?
31. What do you want to pass on to your children?
32. What is something you have never tried but would like to?
33. Are there things in life you wish you could reverse or make right?
34. Do you feel like you have enough money to live the way you want to?
35. Are you happy when you think about the upcoming day and all that it comes with?
36. What do you find challenging?
37. What do you find thrilling?
38. What are three memories you haven’t yet created but you would like to?
39. Do you feel energized when you work?
40. Do you feel creative when you work?
41. Describe what you consider work, and what you consider play. What are the differences?
42. Do you feel blessed or lucky to wake up each day? How can you get to that point?
43. If all of your debt was forgiven tomorrow, and you had a completely clean slate, what is the very FIRST thing you would change about your life?
44. Where are three places you have always thought about living but never did?
45. When do you want to retire?
46. Is there an award or accolade you have always dreamed of winning or being recognized for?
47. If you could learn how and money was not an issue, is there anything else you would do for work besides what you are doing now? Be specific.
48. List three things you would immediately change about your work day if you were the boss (assumes you are not the boss).
49. List three things you would immediately start doing on the weekends if you had the money.
50. Imagine it is a big holiday and you are with your loved ones and you are living what you truly love. When they ask what you have been doing, what do you say in reply?
duminică, 5 decembrie 2010
Monkeys and Bannanas
Start with a cage containing five monkeys.
Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water.
After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result - all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.
Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him.
After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.
Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm! Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked.
Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.
After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana. Why not? Because as far as they know that's the way it's always been done round here.
And that, my friends, is how company policies and religion are made.
Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water.
After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result - all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.
Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him.
After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.
Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm! Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked.
Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.
After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana. Why not? Because as far as they know that's the way it's always been done round here.
And that, my friends, is how company policies and religion are made.
vineri, 3 decembrie 2010
Zi Nationala sau (Anti)propaganda? 1 decembrie d'un leu!
Azi am constientizat si eu iarna.
De obicei romanii nu-si constientizeaza anotimpul rece decat dupa 1 decembrie. 1 decembrie pare a fi din primii ani post-comunisti nimic altceva decat un prilej de a-ti lua un mini-concediu, de a face curatenie prin casa sau de a te intalnii cu prietenii la un vin fiert. Si spun "vin fiert" pentru ca e sezonul. Sunt prea constienta ca daca ne-am fi aliniat cumva istoric fracezilor si americanilor, sarbatorind-o cu fast vara, fast-ul s-ar fi transformat de mult in "fest"-ival incununat cu mici si bere, caci ce stie romanul sa faca mai bine decat sa bea, sa manance si sa "...". Iar asta ne-au dovedit-o chiar acum cativa ani Asociatia Manelistilor din Romania cantand chiar asa, pe 1 decembrie tocmai imnul sacru al romanului pe miorlaituri de manea, in plin Bucuresti, de fata cu presedintele nostru, nimeni altul decat taranoiul ala cu chelie care e primul la astfel de manifestari diplomatice, de rasunet balcanic si bauturi bachiane.
Anul asta marketing-ul (caci va vine sa credeti, chiar avem un marketing si pentru ziua nationala) a pus in prim-plan o alta problematica a nationalismului: emigrarea masiva a romailor in tarile mai calde si mai stabile financiar. TV-ul era plin de slogane de doi bani in genul "Mai raman? Mai roman!" sau "Romania trebuie sa prinda radacini! Fii tu primul!" presarate printre interviuri cu straini ce uite, domle, au ales sa traiasca in Romania. Noi de ce nu vrem sa le urmam exemplul, noi astia care de abia prindem Vestul de-un picior si zambim prosteste la speranta de a o lua de la capat intr-o tara in care lumea nu te scuipa in fata pe strada, dar iti zambeste, intr-un stat in care politica se intelege macar la nivel de cultura civica pe care cel mai retardat dintre cetateni o are?
Eu una nu vreau. Nu imi vreau tara, nu imi vreau imnul, nu imi vreau oamenii de geniu ce au avut intamplarea de a se naste pe acest teren uzurpat de soarta. Pentru ce le-as vrea? Pentru a ma lauda cu un Eminescu sau Stanescu sau Paunescu care in viata de fiece zi erau niste curvari, betivani, respectiv niste lichele si jeguri umane? Opera unui om nu-l defineste! Caracterul lui, insa da. Iar noi nu am fost niciodata si nu vom fi niciodata o natie cu coloana vertebrala: am fost si vom fi un neam de tradatori lipsiti de cauze, ce-si schimba culoarea politica dupa cum bate vantul sau isi ucide cu sange rece conducatorul sub pretextul unei revolutii spre o viata mai buna. E mai buna, bre, prosti cu mustar pe maieu si bere in mana?
Eu nu vreau sa fiu roman. Si nici european. De prea multe ori nu ma mai pot considera nici macar pamantean. Sunt un extraterestru printre oameni ce nu sunt umani.
duminică, 28 noiembrie 2010
Chained to the wall
Walls. Just walls. Walls beyond other walls, nothing but walls. Sealing nothing but emptiness of hope. Guarding terror, misery and despair. Does anyone offer freedom? Does anyone actually know what freedom is? Do they have a spare? May my soul profit from it? Will it cure me? Will it drown me? Would it matter?
I'll never be worth it. And i don't have the power to fight for it.
The only possession i have are my chains.
sâmbătă, 27 noiembrie 2010
Ashamed.
I'm ashamed of who I am. I'm ashamed of the glasses i have to wear on my eyes 16 hours a day, every day. I'm ashamed of my weight nowadays. Ashamed of my last two years of going wild and free in a land that didn't want me, giving everything to someone who didn't need it and losing myself along that process. I'm ashamed of my tastes when it comes to love, because they either seem to fail me or society - nonetheless, always not right. I'm ashamed of not being able to pull through by now, still stuck in a tornado of feelings and frustration, still grounded by contexts and conjunctions. Ashamed of being so damn average, so damn insignificant to the world, so damn criticized by the world... I'm just ashamed of my identity and yes, today i really wanted to trade places with... anyone. I'm ashamed of my parents for being so blunt and stereotyped, my grandparents for being so inoculated with anything but parenting skills for their children or me for that matter. Bloody ashamed of this society i live in, which sacrifices innocent lives from the moment they're born until they die for... money, power and vulgarity. So fucking ashamed of our rich, instinctive and unaware people that terminate and pollute this beautiful planet. I'm ashamed. Of myself through the eyes of society. Of society through my eyes. "And it must be shame that makes me cry... And I hide".
And this is pure depression, willing to fuck-up you inner state of mind to the core. Be advised: only to be listened to when you're definitely not happy and definitely willing to cry!
And this is pure depression, willing to fuck-up you inner state of mind to the core. Be advised: only to be listened to when you're definitely not happy and definitely willing to cry!
joi, 25 noiembrie 2010
E iubire
E iubire. O vezi, o observi… si apoi… intr-o zi, pur si simplu, intr-o clipa de foc ce-ti aprinde toate simturile - o privesti. Pentru prima data, o privesti cu ochii larg deschisi, cu uimire absoluta, ca si cand chipul ei, zambetul si ochii jucausi te indeamna la viata pentru prima data in existenta ta. Actul sexual se transforma intr-un mod imperceptibil ochiului liber, insa ceva in aceasta metamorfoza prinde aripi, incetand sa se tarasca de la un orgasm la altul – zboara! Si orice sarut e inchinat si jertfit ei, orice sarut al ei jertfit tie e inchinat iubirii, iar ciclul ofrandelor se perpetueaza la nesfarsit. Existenta ia chipul vietii, zambetul pe cel al radierii buzelor, iar clipa se dilata la nesfarsit pentru a-ti desavarsii eternitatea suprema – una, singura, in sufletul ei. E iubire. Nu te mai imbraci in graba. Mai ramai. Va jucati printe paturi si perne, va sarutati aprins, va sarutati tandru, va sarutati ca si cand lumea s-ar sfarsi intr-o clipa. Cearta ei nu te mai agaseaza, dar… te intereseaza. Reprezinta noul tau scop pentru a-i fi mai pe plac. Alteori te amuza si ii zambesti parental spunandu-i tacit: “Prostuto, nu te mai consuma pentru atat, va fi bine!” E iubire. Te gandesti la viitor in pereche. Cand sa se fi intamplat si asta? Timpul, oricum, e ilar, ingramadirea de zile fiind irelevanta acum. Actiunile tale, planurile tale, dorintele tale toate prind alta nuanta, schimbandu-si forma, ingloband-o si pe ea in trairile tale. Oare ii va place sa mergem…? Sa facem…? Iti realizezi de abia acum handicapul vremurilor duse, acela de-a fi injumatatit de-un suflet, de a fi semi-gol si total dezgolit de sentimente. Ea te umple sit e dezbraca totodata. Ea te cunoaste. Ea intelege. Te uiti la ea si nu-ti poti crede ochilor cat e de frumoasa. O privesti si e suficient. Oh, Dumnezeule! E iubire!
M. Harker - Franturi Multicolore
vineri, 19 noiembrie 2010
Raspuns...
Stau si o privesc cum stă in pat şi se uita la un film. Acum 5 minute eram si eu langa ea…imi pusesem capul pe spatele ei si am cuprins-o in brate. Ii simteam fiecare bataie a inimii, fiecare miscare de respiratie. O simteam linistita in bratele mele, fara nici o grija, fara nici un gand, doar filmul. Emana calm. Un calm care m-a cuprins si pe mine. Un calm care-ti goleste mintea si te imobilizeaza. Un calm in care ai putea sa te complaci, asa cum faci cu multe lucruri in viata ta. Si totusi am plecat de langa ea. Vreau sa tin minte momentul acela. As vrea ca de fiecare data cand se cuibareste in bratele mele sa emane acelasi calm si acelasi sentiment de liniste. As vrea sa o pot proteja de orice. As vrea sa stiu cum. As vrea sa-i ofer totul. As vrea sa stie ca fiinta mea ii apartine in totalitate. As vrea sa stie ca in preajma mea nu voi lasa sa i se intample nimic rau. Nimic fara voia ei. As vrea sa stie ca pentru mine este inceputul si sfarsitul, iar ziua in care nu-i voi mai simti trupul in bratele mele va fi ziua in care va muri tot ce este uman in mine.
Asta este iubirea pe care o asteptam demult si care credeam ca nu mi se cuvine. Timpul le rezolva pe toate. Asta este iubirea de care foarte putini au scris, pentru ca foarte putini stiu ce inseamna. Pretuirea fiecarui gest, a fiecarei atingeri, a fiecarei priviri. Sa le sorbi ca si cum ar fi pentru ultima oara. Sa atingi, sa saruti ca si cum ai face-o pentru ultima oara. Sa simti conturul fetei, al ochilor, al buzelor in buricul degetelor. Sa simti pe buze fiecare centimetru din corpul ei. Sa adormi in fiecare seara cu parfumul ei in nari. Sa astepti cu nerabdare a doua zi cand o vei vedea. Sa te gandesti „ oare cum se imbraca azi?”. Sa stati in mijlocul unei duzini de oameni si sa o intelegi fara sa scoata un sunet macar. Sa astepti momentul…sa numeri secundele de tortura pana o vei simti din nou in bratele tale. Sa nu fi bun de nimic fara vorba ei. Sa te lumineze fiecare zambet. Sa te lasi purtat de atingerile ei. Sa te simti ca intr-o inchisoare in lipsa prezentei ei. Cand pleaca, parca ia cu ea totul. Nu mai ai forta sa faci nimic. Cand stii ca vine, ai puterea sa misti muntii. Cand ii simti trupul cald, vibrand, sa fi in al nouălea cer. Sa o alinti. Sa o rasfeti. Sa o dezmierzi. Sa o incurajezi. Sa o certi cand greseste. Sa faci din ea o luptatoare.
Toate aceastea sa le primesti inapoi… asta este iubirea neconditionata. Restul nu mai conteaza. Impreuna, si doar impreuna, avem puterea de a invinge totul.
Voi savura o tigara dupa care ma voi intoarce in pat sa-mi umplu plamanii cu…liniste si calm…
Asta este iubirea pe care o asteptam demult si care credeam ca nu mi se cuvine. Timpul le rezolva pe toate. Asta este iubirea de care foarte putini au scris, pentru ca foarte putini stiu ce inseamna. Pretuirea fiecarui gest, a fiecarei atingeri, a fiecarei priviri. Sa le sorbi ca si cum ar fi pentru ultima oara. Sa atingi, sa saruti ca si cum ai face-o pentru ultima oara. Sa simti conturul fetei, al ochilor, al buzelor in buricul degetelor. Sa simti pe buze fiecare centimetru din corpul ei. Sa adormi in fiecare seara cu parfumul ei in nari. Sa astepti cu nerabdare a doua zi cand o vei vedea. Sa te gandesti „ oare cum se imbraca azi?”. Sa stati in mijlocul unei duzini de oameni si sa o intelegi fara sa scoata un sunet macar. Sa astepti momentul…sa numeri secundele de tortura pana o vei simti din nou in bratele tale. Sa nu fi bun de nimic fara vorba ei. Sa te lumineze fiecare zambet. Sa te lasi purtat de atingerile ei. Sa te simti ca intr-o inchisoare in lipsa prezentei ei. Cand pleaca, parca ia cu ea totul. Nu mai ai forta sa faci nimic. Cand stii ca vine, ai puterea sa misti muntii. Cand ii simti trupul cald, vibrand, sa fi in al nouălea cer. Sa o alinti. Sa o rasfeti. Sa o dezmierzi. Sa o incurajezi. Sa o certi cand greseste. Sa faci din ea o luptatoare.
Toate aceastea sa le primesti inapoi… asta este iubirea neconditionata. Restul nu mai conteaza. Impreuna, si doar impreuna, avem puterea de a invinge totul.
Voi savura o tigara dupa care ma voi intoarce in pat sa-mi umplu plamanii cu…liniste si calm…
sâmbătă, 13 noiembrie 2010
Septembrie, toamna...
Nu stiu daca ai simtit vreodata cat e de grava si definitiva o asemenea dragoste; daca ti-ai dat vreodata seama ca, orice s-ar intampla, nu te mai poti desparti de fiinta iubita, ca esti legat de ea pana la moarte, in sensul concret al cuvantului. Adica numai eventuala ei moarte iti mai poate reda libertatea. Altminteri, cat traieste ea, fie ca esti sau nu esti indragostit, fie ca vrea sau nu mai vrea iubita, tu te simti al ei, legat de ea, ursit ei...
M. Eliade, Nunta in cer
duminică, 7 noiembrie 2010
But hey, look on the bright side! - part II
Sure, life's not perfect, but hey, looking on the bright side, like somebody used to say (was it me?) - if man would be given a perfect life he wouldn't know what to do with it. There's fun in tears and there's always an up side to every down side. You just got to open your eyes and observe.
Take me for example! My life's not at all glamorous, shinny, VIP-ish or golden. In fact, my life is preeeeetty boring considering the helicopter view.
I don't know any stars, but looking on the bright side, i did. And guess what? They're as fucked up as you and me. They're still crying at night because of their failures, still enjoying their success with friends and family, still getting drunk as hell at some party and throwing up after wards. The only difference is that they appear on TV for... some reason. And looking further on that bright side - trust me, a life without fame, paparazzi and possible future kidnappers is waaaaaaaaaaaay more peaceful!
I don't earn enough. Nobody usually does. We always want more than we need, we need less than we have, but who can blame us for being silly monkeys yearning for every capitalistic hocus-pocus banana that's been shown in front of our eyes with the never ending motto saying: "Ya think THAT banana is good? Why don't you try THIS one for a size? It's BETTER!" oh, gosh, don't we believe it? Can't blame yourself, really. You're like that. We ALL are! But hey, looking on the bright side, yearning for more determines you to be more, wanting more from yourself. In time, you become better, wiser, smarter, more in touch with your self and your true needs and yearnings.
I'm never happy enough. There's always something getting in the way. Whether it's society not agreeing with me or my parents being disappointed in me, or even the fact that I want to get a job when I'm unemployed and want to quit when i am... there's always something getting through between me and my true happiness. Truth be told, I wouldn't know true happiness if it slapped me in the face. But again, looking on the bright side - more of a reason to appreciate the half-perfect happiness you had when something so bad happens that you can't contain yourself not to cry out of true sadness (And oh, boy! That we all know!).
I'm always too fat, too thin, too ugly, too beautiful, too hysterical, too selfish/foolish/tall/short/stupid/smart/rich/poor/erotic/neurotic for someone! Go figure! I'm not perfect you morons! Good luck finding that one flawless bitch who can give you everything you want and top it off with a better blow-job than me! HA! Well... looking on the bright side, at least all the ass-holes that dumped me still lung for that part of me. Muaaaaahahahahhahaaaahh! And looking on the other bright side - Everyone's better off alone than with the people who had the nerve to dump them. If they let you go, good riddance! They didn't deserve you anyway.
And finally... It's not about them. It's about you: who YOU truly are to yourself, how YOU perceive yourself, what YOU think of yourself. Before changing something about you, think why. Why and for what purpose do you want to change that nose, temper, personality or job - is it truly worth it and do you mainly do it for yourself on the long term or for someone else for the short term? And if you don't do it for you, but for someone else... are they worth it? Again: Are THEY worth it more than you're worth in your own eyes? Think about it. Think about it again. Then react. Because - looking on the bright side - no matter how many people hate or love you, sacrifice or don't sacrifice for you, you are your best fan and when no one remembers your birthday, you're bound to by default! So next time you look at yourself in the mirror, give yourself a kiss on behalf of... you.
Take me for example! My life's not at all glamorous, shinny, VIP-ish or golden. In fact, my life is preeeeetty boring considering the helicopter view.
I don't know any stars, but looking on the bright side, i did. And guess what? They're as fucked up as you and me. They're still crying at night because of their failures, still enjoying their success with friends and family, still getting drunk as hell at some party and throwing up after wards. The only difference is that they appear on TV for... some reason. And looking further on that bright side - trust me, a life without fame, paparazzi and possible future kidnappers is waaaaaaaaaaaay more peaceful!
I don't earn enough. Nobody usually does. We always want more than we need, we need less than we have, but who can blame us for being silly monkeys yearning for every capitalistic hocus-pocus banana that's been shown in front of our eyes with the never ending motto saying: "Ya think THAT banana is good? Why don't you try THIS one for a size? It's BETTER!" oh, gosh, don't we believe it? Can't blame yourself, really. You're like that. We ALL are! But hey, looking on the bright side, yearning for more determines you to be more, wanting more from yourself. In time, you become better, wiser, smarter, more in touch with your self and your true needs and yearnings.
I'm never happy enough. There's always something getting in the way. Whether it's society not agreeing with me or my parents being disappointed in me, or even the fact that I want to get a job when I'm unemployed and want to quit when i am... there's always something getting through between me and my true happiness. Truth be told, I wouldn't know true happiness if it slapped me in the face. But again, looking on the bright side - more of a reason to appreciate the half-perfect happiness you had when something so bad happens that you can't contain yourself not to cry out of true sadness (And oh, boy! That we all know!).
I'm always too fat, too thin, too ugly, too beautiful, too hysterical, too selfish/foolish/tall/short/stupid/smart/rich/poor/erotic/neurotic for someone! Go figure! I'm not perfect you morons! Good luck finding that one flawless bitch who can give you everything you want and top it off with a better blow-job than me! HA! Well... looking on the bright side, at least all the ass-holes that dumped me still lung for that part of me. Muaaaaahahahahhahaaaahh! And looking on the other bright side - Everyone's better off alone than with the people who had the nerve to dump them. If they let you go, good riddance! They didn't deserve you anyway.
And finally... It's not about them. It's about you: who YOU truly are to yourself, how YOU perceive yourself, what YOU think of yourself. Before changing something about you, think why. Why and for what purpose do you want to change that nose, temper, personality or job - is it truly worth it and do you mainly do it for yourself on the long term or for someone else for the short term? And if you don't do it for you, but for someone else... are they worth it? Again: Are THEY worth it more than you're worth in your own eyes? Think about it. Think about it again. Then react. Because - looking on the bright side - no matter how many people hate or love you, sacrifice or don't sacrifice for you, you are your best fan and when no one remembers your birthday, you're bound to by default! So next time you look at yourself in the mirror, give yourself a kiss on behalf of... you.
vineri, 5 noiembrie 2010
But hey, look on the bright side! - part I
Time seems to die nowadays, leaving us little freedom to enjoy, but looking on the bright side - the perfect little moments we have with ourselves and our loved ones couldn't have ever reached our memories and hearts so deep just because of that.
This earth is becoming more and more neglected through pollution and mass-destruction, by warfare and continuous hazardous rages of despair and ignorance, but looking on the bright side - our children shall live by observing a sick world and by observing they shall eventually try to change it for the better, building new systems, for their forefathers didn't have the strength to.
Lots of species are now extinct thanks to man, but looking on the bright side - man never sises to discover new species.
Mankind has experienced two world wars already; towns have been destroyed, people have been killed, weapons have emerged, technology was used to create monsters, but looking on the bright side - we've discovered new ways of combat less destructive to humanity, more intelligent and more powerful, using technology and the never dying coin.
People have become more selfish, self driven and unemphatic; they have somehow inverted into a constant involution, but looking on the bright side - technology has indeed evolved beyond imagination.
Men are pigs, women say, never caring for their needs, always acting like kids, living for sex, football and the next meal, cheating them with any bimbo that gives them the littlest attention, but looking on the bright side - thank god for sperm banks and your own feminine species who will understand you and give you the best oral you've ever had!
Women are bitches, men say, always looking for their money, winning every sexual harassment low suit in a company and having a headache 90 percent of the time when they want to make love to them, but looking on the bright side - after carrying your offspring for 9 months in their bellies, suffering the pains of labor and hating your guts for that, they still raise your kid into the greatest miracle that ever happened to your little pathetic miserable masculine life you had before you met them!
Capitalism has taken over your life: you wake up in the morning, barely get to drink your coffee and get your ass into your company car just to slowly squeeze yourself through the traffic jam, to get there, to stay there - overtime, working your ass off for a good pay; you get home in the evening and yes, there are days when you barely see your wife and kid, when you barely get to talk to them, but looking on the bright side - you'll always have that bank account from which you can pay your kid the best education money can buy, take the best exotic vacations and buy the most expensive jewelery for your wife.
Capitalism has taken over your life: you wake up in the morning, barely get to drink your coffee and get your ass into the city transportation just to slowly squeeze yourself through the traffic jam, to get there, to stay there - overtime, working your ass off for the lowest salary; you get home in the evening and no, there's no wife and kid to get home to, you probably have to pay rent anyway, but looking on the bright side - in a few years of tens of years, with patience and endurance, lots of ass kissing, you're gonna get there!
Looking on the bright side... good things always happen to those who wait and think pink! Every change starts with you when you truly want it! It is enough to wish and, of course, look on the bright side!
This earth is becoming more and more neglected through pollution and mass-destruction, by warfare and continuous hazardous rages of despair and ignorance, but looking on the bright side - our children shall live by observing a sick world and by observing they shall eventually try to change it for the better, building new systems, for their forefathers didn't have the strength to.
Lots of species are now extinct thanks to man, but looking on the bright side - man never sises to discover new species.
Mankind has experienced two world wars already; towns have been destroyed, people have been killed, weapons have emerged, technology was used to create monsters, but looking on the bright side - we've discovered new ways of combat less destructive to humanity, more intelligent and more powerful, using technology and the never dying coin.
People have become more selfish, self driven and unemphatic; they have somehow inverted into a constant involution, but looking on the bright side - technology has indeed evolved beyond imagination.
Men are pigs, women say, never caring for their needs, always acting like kids, living for sex, football and the next meal, cheating them with any bimbo that gives them the littlest attention, but looking on the bright side - thank god for sperm banks and your own feminine species who will understand you and give you the best oral you've ever had!
Women are bitches, men say, always looking for their money, winning every sexual harassment low suit in a company and having a headache 90 percent of the time when they want to make love to them, but looking on the bright side - after carrying your offspring for 9 months in their bellies, suffering the pains of labor and hating your guts for that, they still raise your kid into the greatest miracle that ever happened to your little pathetic miserable masculine life you had before you met them!
Capitalism has taken over your life: you wake up in the morning, barely get to drink your coffee and get your ass into your company car just to slowly squeeze yourself through the traffic jam, to get there, to stay there - overtime, working your ass off for a good pay; you get home in the evening and yes, there are days when you barely see your wife and kid, when you barely get to talk to them, but looking on the bright side - you'll always have that bank account from which you can pay your kid the best education money can buy, take the best exotic vacations and buy the most expensive jewelery for your wife.
Capitalism has taken over your life: you wake up in the morning, barely get to drink your coffee and get your ass into the city transportation just to slowly squeeze yourself through the traffic jam, to get there, to stay there - overtime, working your ass off for the lowest salary; you get home in the evening and no, there's no wife and kid to get home to, you probably have to pay rent anyway, but looking on the bright side - in a few years of tens of years, with patience and endurance, lots of ass kissing, you're gonna get there!
Looking on the bright side... good things always happen to those who wait and think pink! Every change starts with you when you truly want it! It is enough to wish and, of course, look on the bright side!
sâmbătă, 30 octombrie 2010
Out of the box
The “out of box” experience… Ciudata experienta, ceva in genul “Fight Club”: o personalitate dedublata, doar a ta – dar de care nu stiai pana nu demult. Ca si in film, momentul revelatiei te mananca de viu, te macina si te mistuie in cateva fractiuni de secunda, peretii se ingusteaza in jurul tau, murmurul de fond se transforma in tunet, urechiile iti tiuie, fetele familiare devin grobiane, apoi sterse, colti rad in jurul tau, paranoia! Apoi… timpul se opreste. Privesti in jurul tau. Detasare? Calm. Totul se opreste. E liniste. E clar. Tu esti… tu. Si atat. Iar definitia exacta a intregii tale fiinte nu poate fi oferita decat de insasi prezenta si existenta ta pentru lume, in lume. Tu esti insasi dovada clara ca existi. Si… prietene, daca ai avut vreodata onoarea si drama totodata de a trece printr-o astfel de criza existentiala revelatorie, felicitarile mele! Toata stima si respectul. Bine ai iesit din clubul ipocritilor! Bine ai venit in cel al ciudatilor!
Ce e ciudat cu adevarat e modul in care privesti lumea ulterior acestei trairi. E asemenea unei incheieri de capitol sau de plata a datoriilor imense la banca dupa castigarea unui premiu substantial in bani.
Eram un mic Atlas acum niste luni bune, tinand povara unui glob intreg pe umerii mei. Nu stiu nici pana acum de ce mi-am luat asupra-mi aceasta responsabilitate. Speram oarecum ca viata mea sa insemne ceva pentru niste indivizi, iar a-ti pasa cu sau fara constientizarea acestui lucru de catre intreaga lume parea o solutie buna la acel moment, desi… adevarul fie spus, astfel de responsabilitati te rup in mii de bucatele si ce mai poate ramane din tine pe patul de moarte e doar o epava a ce puteai fi. Totusi, am facut-o si pe asta… Globul e greu! Al naibii de greu. Apoi… am avut revelatia. Am redescoperit in mine o noua identitate suprapusa celei vechi, peste identitatea eternei Mina Harker. Si de mai bine de o luna … ma zbat in a-mi da seama si a intelege daca aceasta revelatie ma poarta catre ceea ce-mi doream sau ceea ce-mi era predestinat de altii din ziua 1 sa-mi doresc. Un alt glob. Mai mic, dar mai dens. Responsabilitatea de a fi eu. De a fi perceputa asa cum sunt sau cum se doreste sa fi perceputa? De a fi iubita sau de a iubi? De a lupta sau de a ingropa securea inainte de escaladarea unui posibil razboi?
Cum spuneam de atatea ori… viata e o calatorie. Si experienta de a gandi outide the box are si punctele ei slabe. Cateodata raspunsurile pe care le cauti in tine nu sunt cele pe care doresti sa le descoperi. Asteptarile de la tine pot fi mai presus decat potentiaul tau si vrei-nu vrei, oamenii pe care ii atingi cu prezenta ta unica pot suferi ulterior bucuriei pe care le-o oferi din suflet. Cata bucurie porti in tine pentru a le-o oferi? Cate zdruncinari trebuie sa acoperi pentru a-ti gasi puterea de a le revela viata? Poate ca nici nu se tine vreun scor. Poate ca cei pe care i-am cunoscut trebuiau sa ma cunoasca pentru a lua deciziile ce le-au influentat sau nu viata. Poate ca ii cunosc pe cei prezenti azi in viata mea pentru a face acelasi lucru. sunt o Lizuca ratacita alaturi de un caine mai mult lung decat lat, plimbadu-se printr-o minunata dumbrava a vietii, presarand faramituri pentru pasarelele trecatoare ale trecutului, prezentului si viitorului meu. Sunt doar o pana purtata de vantul vietii. Si habar nu am unde ma poarta curentii. Si da… la naiba, dupa atatea cuvinte insirate fara noima, uite o revelatie: nu mai imi pasa. Nu mai imi pasa daca oamenii din mediile in care pasesc din datorie ma plac sau nu; nu mai imi pasa daca imi schimb parerea de 10 ori pe minut, daca am o groaza de defecte pentru o groaza de oameni care traiesc pentru a mi le schimba; nu mai imi pasa daca azi iubesc, maine ma macina constiinta pentru ca poate nu mai iubesc, si poimaine nu mai pot trai fara iubire. Nu mai imi pasa de viitor, de trecut si de macinarile mele interioare. Nu. Imi va pasa doar de ceva foarte special: de mine.
marți, 26 octombrie 2010
Hard relationships or hard-headed?
Undeva de-a lungul unui sir nemasurat de rateuri setimentalo-siropoaso-romantice nu poti sa nu te gandesti daca motivul pentru care tu esti singur atunci cand toti prietenii tai se insoara si toate prietenele tale aniverseaza deja un anisor al copilului lor nu se leaga cumva de faptul ca gee! ceva nu pusca. Iti iei cele 5 minute ramase din zi pentru a ti le dedica tie, si cum altfel daca nu ridicandu-ti aceleasi intrebari existentiale eterne, insa de data aceasta (si poate pentru prima data chiar!) focusate asupra ta. Oare relatiile tale chiar au fost menite sfarsitului? Oamenii intalniti total aberant de nepotriviti? Sau poate, doar poate... TU esti reteta esecului tau?
Ne-a fost intotdeauna mult mai usor sa il blamam pe cel de langa noi. Era cel mai aproape de noi, era comod sa ii pasam cel putin parte din vina si de ce nu?, era mult mai hranitor propriului nostru orgoliu si propriei constiinte sa o facem, caci fara de pacate poti parca dormi mai bine noaptea. Totusi, ai intr-un final taria de-ati pune aceasta intrebare, mai degraba determinata de imprejurarile prorpiei tale singuratati interioare atunci cand toti ceilalti si-au gasit pereche. Da, te uiti peste gard la capra vecinului, o admiri si dupa o autosugestie incomensurabila ajungi la fundul sacului. Nu te mai rabzi, nu-ti mai rabzi situatia ce iti pare particulara. Si atunci... diseci.
Deci ce naiba e cu tine? Esti urat? Nu tocmai, sirul de indivizi ce stau la coada spre usa dormitorului tau ti-ar cam sugera ca nu ai nimerit-o. Esti nebun? Eh, evident ca esti, ai tai au avut grija sa te tacaneasca din prima zi a nasterii tale; dupa ei profesorii, sefii, traficul, coada la paine si la lapte pe vremea lu' Ceasca. Mai devreme sau mai tarziu, toti ne pierdem niste piulite. E doar... "normal". In plus, sunt altii mai "sanatosi" ca tine si cu siguranta toti stim macar un coleg de lucru care se uita pe pereti si rade la naiba stie ce. Esti prost? (Aici e discutabil, vreau sa cred ca in lumea aceasta oamenii care-si posteaza videoclipuri jack-ass pe youtube au fost platiti sume considerabile sa ia parte la acel grad inaintat de prostie, caci asa ar avea o scuza) Pornim de la premiza ca nu esti. Daca te simti cu musca pe caciula, nu mai pierde timpul pe aici, youtube are nevoie de tine, camarade! Arata-ne ce poti! (in plus, hai sa fim seriosi! oamenii prosti nu au astfel de framantari interioare binecuvantati fiind a-si gasi pereche mult mai usor)
Esti dificil?... Poate prea pretentios? Poate prea ranit sa te fi vindecat deja complet? Prea egocentric? Prea dedicat muncii tale? Sau parintilor? Sau cainilor comunitari? Sau poate... poate de fapt, in sinea ta ai ajuns sa te complaci si impaci cu ideea ca viata de cuplu nu pare a fi pentru tine...?
Indiferent de realul si particularul raspuns ce tine doar de tine si nu de genele cu care te-a inzestrat providenta trebuie sa recunosti... E factorul variabil care influenteaza complet sansele tale reale de a fi fericit (daca si numai daca fericire = viata de cuplu reusita).
Si ce faci daca ti se lasa pe genul acela de fericire? Ce schimbi? Unii ar spune sa schimbi partenerul caci daca ai dubii in privinta lui e clar, "ce e al tau e pus deoparte" si te asteapta pe undeva in timp ce tu faci orice altceva decat sa-l cauti. Altii ar spune sa te schimbi pana la a-ti nenoroci esenta pentru ca "trebuie sa lupti pana la ultima arma" si daca se poate sa te mai si tarasti in fata nenoro... pentru a-i demonstra dragostea eterna ca deh! poate-poate o merge cumva mai bine pe viitor.
Eu? As spune ca viata e o calatorie de-o zi sau de 100 de ani menita a-ti dezvalui noi si noi experiente. Destinatia e acolo unde te intalneste Doamna cu Coasa. Daca nu te-a prins pana atunci nicio femeie in mrejele ei, cu siguranta Ea o va face.
Ne-a fost intotdeauna mult mai usor sa il blamam pe cel de langa noi. Era cel mai aproape de noi, era comod sa ii pasam cel putin parte din vina si de ce nu?, era mult mai hranitor propriului nostru orgoliu si propriei constiinte sa o facem, caci fara de pacate poti parca dormi mai bine noaptea. Totusi, ai intr-un final taria de-ati pune aceasta intrebare, mai degraba determinata de imprejurarile prorpiei tale singuratati interioare atunci cand toti ceilalti si-au gasit pereche. Da, te uiti peste gard la capra vecinului, o admiri si dupa o autosugestie incomensurabila ajungi la fundul sacului. Nu te mai rabzi, nu-ti mai rabzi situatia ce iti pare particulara. Si atunci... diseci.
Deci ce naiba e cu tine? Esti urat? Nu tocmai, sirul de indivizi ce stau la coada spre usa dormitorului tau ti-ar cam sugera ca nu ai nimerit-o. Esti nebun? Eh, evident ca esti, ai tai au avut grija sa te tacaneasca din prima zi a nasterii tale; dupa ei profesorii, sefii, traficul, coada la paine si la lapte pe vremea lu' Ceasca. Mai devreme sau mai tarziu, toti ne pierdem niste piulite. E doar... "normal". In plus, sunt altii mai "sanatosi" ca tine si cu siguranta toti stim macar un coleg de lucru care se uita pe pereti si rade la naiba stie ce. Esti prost? (Aici e discutabil, vreau sa cred ca in lumea aceasta oamenii care-si posteaza videoclipuri jack-ass pe youtube au fost platiti sume considerabile sa ia parte la acel grad inaintat de prostie, caci asa ar avea o scuza) Pornim de la premiza ca nu esti. Daca te simti cu musca pe caciula, nu mai pierde timpul pe aici, youtube are nevoie de tine, camarade! Arata-ne ce poti! (in plus, hai sa fim seriosi! oamenii prosti nu au astfel de framantari interioare binecuvantati fiind a-si gasi pereche mult mai usor)
Esti dificil?... Poate prea pretentios? Poate prea ranit sa te fi vindecat deja complet? Prea egocentric? Prea dedicat muncii tale? Sau parintilor? Sau cainilor comunitari? Sau poate... poate de fapt, in sinea ta ai ajuns sa te complaci si impaci cu ideea ca viata de cuplu nu pare a fi pentru tine...?
Indiferent de realul si particularul raspuns ce tine doar de tine si nu de genele cu care te-a inzestrat providenta trebuie sa recunosti... E factorul variabil care influenteaza complet sansele tale reale de a fi fericit (daca si numai daca fericire = viata de cuplu reusita).
Si ce faci daca ti se lasa pe genul acela de fericire? Ce schimbi? Unii ar spune sa schimbi partenerul caci daca ai dubii in privinta lui e clar, "ce e al tau e pus deoparte" si te asteapta pe undeva in timp ce tu faci orice altceva decat sa-l cauti. Altii ar spune sa te schimbi pana la a-ti nenoroci esenta pentru ca "trebuie sa lupti pana la ultima arma" si daca se poate sa te mai si tarasti in fata nenoro... pentru a-i demonstra dragostea eterna ca deh! poate-poate o merge cumva mai bine pe viitor.
Eu? As spune ca viata e o calatorie de-o zi sau de 100 de ani menita a-ti dezvalui noi si noi experiente. Destinatia e acolo unde te intalneste Doamna cu Coasa. Daca nu te-a prins pana atunci nicio femeie in mrejele ei, cu siguranta Ea o va face.
duminică, 24 octombrie 2010
New look. New News.
I'm pretty much a reddish-orangy redhead. Cut most of my pleata off. Still haven't lost the other 10 pounds i've been dying to lose, in fact, am restante majore la visul meu dieta but good news: de la 1 noiembrie unul din beneficiile de a lucra la this great incredible super-mega kick-ass company that i work for... is... (feel the suspense rising!)... : gratuitate la sala!!! Yuhuuu! Sauna, aerobic si fitness, all for free! Now ain't that a treat? All i got to do now is get the fuck out of office before 7 p.m. so i can enjoy the bloody thing! (which is pretty much not gonna happen very soon considering ca ma bate un pre-audit saptamana viitoare si un audit prin decembrie, so it's all fun and games).
Other than that... still trapped between my dreams and reality, society and my personality. But I'm pretty sure death won't catch me before I'll leave a bit of my charming native talents to this fucked up world!
miercuri, 29 septembrie 2010
Legile lui Murphy
N-am stiut pana nu demult cine era tipul asta Murphy, insa toata viata mea am vrut sa-l fi putut cunoaste pentru a-i aplica cel mai admirabil croseu de stanga pe care il pot duce. Si-o merita. De fapt, tipul caruia i s-au adaugat o groaza de citate ulterioare a spus doar o treaba: Daca ceva rau se poate intampla, atunci sigur se va intampla. Restul, i-au fost adaugate de altii. Ura mea pentru el nu se opreste doar la faptul ca viata e ironica si cu mine, nu doar cu restul lumii. Ura mea continua pentru ca ei, dracie, si eu am spus o groaza de lucruri mult mai profunde decat el, dar nimeni nu le-a bagat in seama pana acum!
Azi ma gandeam la omul asta in prostie si-l injuram de toti dracii pentru ca da, azi a fost o zi groaznica. Genul acela de zi in care dupa o groaza de nervi, implicare maxima si frustrari clocotite la foc mic te opresti, faci cativa pasi inapoi si te minunezi de planul sadic al providentei ca mai apoi sa te intrebi: “La ce folos?”
La ce folos sa te implici intr-un job mult mai subevaluat financiar in concordanta cu responsabilitatile? La ce folos sa pui la suflet faptul ca seful tau iti e inferior umanistic vorbind, insa va muri la fel de prost si fudul nerealizandu-si niciodata lipsurile? La ce folos sa fii corect cu sistemul cand sistemul nu e corect cu tine? La ce folos sa explici cu pasiune unor urechi infundate? La ce folos sa te dai pe tine 100%, sa te oferi complet unor lucruri, cause false si oameni care nu merita? Si te detasezi. Dar nu complet, caci ce mai ramane dupa o astfel de analiza e gustul amar din gura. Ai vrea sa poti sterge cu buretele si acea ultima urma a unei zile negre din viata ta, dar bomboanele mentolate nu ajuta. Nu te ajuta nici patul cald in care te intinzi si nici un film bun pe care vroiai sa-l vezi de mult. Totusi, te agati de orice iluzie a zilei de maine si zambeti cu speranta ca da… poate, doar poate maine nu va fi mai rau.
Iar ca incheiere… Te bata cucu, Murphy, cu legile tale cu tot!
Azi ma gandeam la omul asta in prostie si-l injuram de toti dracii pentru ca da, azi a fost o zi groaznica. Genul acela de zi in care dupa o groaza de nervi, implicare maxima si frustrari clocotite la foc mic te opresti, faci cativa pasi inapoi si te minunezi de planul sadic al providentei ca mai apoi sa te intrebi: “La ce folos?”
La ce folos sa te implici intr-un job mult mai subevaluat financiar in concordanta cu responsabilitatile? La ce folos sa pui la suflet faptul ca seful tau iti e inferior umanistic vorbind, insa va muri la fel de prost si fudul nerealizandu-si niciodata lipsurile? La ce folos sa fii corect cu sistemul cand sistemul nu e corect cu tine? La ce folos sa explici cu pasiune unor urechi infundate? La ce folos sa te dai pe tine 100%, sa te oferi complet unor lucruri, cause false si oameni care nu merita? Si te detasezi. Dar nu complet, caci ce mai ramane dupa o astfel de analiza e gustul amar din gura. Ai vrea sa poti sterge cu buretele si acea ultima urma a unei zile negre din viata ta, dar bomboanele mentolate nu ajuta. Nu te ajuta nici patul cald in care te intinzi si nici un film bun pe care vroiai sa-l vezi de mult. Totusi, te agati de orice iluzie a zilei de maine si zambeti cu speranta ca da… poate, doar poate maine nu va fi mai rau.
Iar ca incheiere… Te bata cucu, Murphy, cu legile tale cu tot!
duminică, 19 septembrie 2010
Dead Anniversary
Acum 13 ani am pierdut un prieten bun. Mi-era de fapt singurul prieten al copilariei. Intamplarea facea sa fie mult mai in varsta ca mine si sa fim inruditi. Totusi, spre uimirea mea, dupa tot acest timp trait si petrecut nu am reusit sa gasesc similaritate spirituala in niciunul din sufletele intalnite pe aceasta scoarta terestra pana acum.
Murise de cancer. Pulmonar. Ironia face ca azi sa fumez cate un pachet pe zi, in comemorarea sarcasmului sortii, in semn de sfidare catre divinitate. Asa incepusem, la fel ca el voi termina, probabil.
Si in fiecare zi de 19 septembrie ma uit pe geam, spre est, incercand sa-i gasesc cu privirea crucea. In fiecare seara ma pornesc de-o plimbare in vizita. Impartim o tigara si niste gothic autentic pe care stiu for a fact ca daca ar mai fi trait, l-ar fi detestat. Dar vreau sa cred ca emotiile melodice ale toamnei din ce in ce mai reci si gri ajung inspre el. Si le primeste in dar, caci e singurul dar de aniversare pe care i-l mai pot oferi.
Azi trec pe la tine, tata. La multi ani! Cati ai fi avut? 73. Frumoasa varsta... Frumoasa viata. Iti multumesc inca odata ca exist. Si pune o vorba buna Batranului si pentru cei dragi, suntem inca certati, pe tine poate te asculta!
Murise de cancer. Pulmonar. Ironia face ca azi sa fumez cate un pachet pe zi, in comemorarea sarcasmului sortii, in semn de sfidare catre divinitate. Asa incepusem, la fel ca el voi termina, probabil.
Si in fiecare zi de 19 septembrie ma uit pe geam, spre est, incercand sa-i gasesc cu privirea crucea. In fiecare seara ma pornesc de-o plimbare in vizita. Impartim o tigara si niste gothic autentic pe care stiu for a fact ca daca ar mai fi trait, l-ar fi detestat. Dar vreau sa cred ca emotiile melodice ale toamnei din ce in ce mai reci si gri ajung inspre el. Si le primeste in dar, caci e singurul dar de aniversare pe care i-l mai pot oferi.
Azi trec pe la tine, tata. La multi ani! Cati ai fi avut? 73. Frumoasa varsta... Frumoasa viata. Iti multumesc inca odata ca exist. Si pune o vorba buna Batranului si pentru cei dragi, suntem inca certati, pe tine poate te asculta!
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