Strigoi

Muta mi-e gura.
Si bratele-mi grele.
Paralizat intreg corpul.
Si ochii-mi sunt stinsi.

Mumie, dar vie.

Moarta, dar... nu.
Un muschi inca misca si bate anemic.
Bate periodic la poarta oricui:

Oricui de l-ar vrea si de l-ar voi.
Oricui care-ar stii ce sa faca cu el
sau de-ar mai putea sa-nvie ceva
din lesul-gramada ramas nimanui.

Mumie, dar vie.

Moarta, dar... nu.
Un muschi inca misca si bate anemic.
Bate periodic, dar nu pentru tine.

Auzul tau tanar nu poate sa simta
zgomotul had al unui batran
lipsit de nadejde, lipsit de vointa.
Muzica ta... nu rade plangand.

Si de mi-ai vrea carnea ce bate anemic,
si de-ai 'nvia ceva din intreg,
la ce folos oare, gramada de oase?
Mortii cu vii nu merg de fel...

29.07.2010

The Exies - My goddess

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special dedication for a special someone. :)

Caini si javre umane

Se intampla cateodata sa pici victima unei iluzii frumoase. Despartirile dure si reci tind sa te slabeasca emotional. Vrei sa fii iubita, sa fii apreciata. Dar in mod paradoxal, vei vedea – nu poti accepta admiratia oricui. Stii deja ce cauti, despartirile repetate ti-au creat acest beneficiu, acela al standardelor conturate perfect fata de ce iti doresti de la cel de langa tine. Ei bine, acela poate aparea de nenumarate ori iluzoriu. Sub o serie de forme si nenumarate fete si personalitati. Nu aceste aspecte te vor interesa, dimpotriva... vei vedea ca toti se incadreaza intr-un sablon ales de tine. De ce nu va merge? Simplu: ca si un catel batut si brutalizat din pruncie, vei reactiona placandu-ti corpul intr-o parte, tinandu-ti respiratia si asteptand lovitura de gratie la orice gest de tandrete. Poate vei si musca doar pentru a contracara o posibila lovitura. Majoritatea admiratorilor si adoratorilor tai vor suporta o muscatura din partea ta. Dar mai sunt si aceia care te simt empatic, detin cunoasterea intuitiva si instinctiva de a imblanzi salbaticiunile. Multi din ei nici nu-si realizeaza talentele, iar cativa profita de ele cateodata in mod constient.

Indiferent ca vei reprezenta un trofeu sau o eroare pentru ei, vei fi intotdeauna o catelusa adorabila, buna de mangaiat in trecere pe drumul lor, doar pentru ca te aflai in calea lor, aveau catva timp de aruncat pe un gest de afectivitate si tandrete aruncat si el la randul lui spre tine din purul egoism de a-si recunoaste inca odata asa zisa umanitate din ei: aceea de a fi placut impresionati si atinsi pana in corzile cele mai adanci ale sufletului lor de un biet catel lesinat pe o margine de drum, lihnit, infrigurat si fara de stapan si iubire. Pentru astfel de oameni, o mangaiere in treacat este suficienta. Vor considera ca ti-au facut un bine prin simplul lor gest de afectiune. Dar gresesc major. Astfel de catei prefera singuratatea salbatica in locul unui fugar „vai, ce adorabil eeee!”. Astfel de catei prefera un camin stabil, stiind sa aprecieze nesfarsit stapanul ce se va incumeta sa ii adopte. Dar nu, niciodata nu vor prefera o mana neutra in esenta, care ii lovi si ea, prin mangaieri insa, cu indiferenta rece si taioasa a pasilor ce se indeparteaza ulterior de ei.

Pe o nota mai ironica acum, presupun ca toate suntem niste bitches. De ce am avea vreodata naivitatea copilaroasa sa mai speram in vreun barbat non-pig? De ce ne-am mai obosi cautand un uman, si nu un om? Un cavaler, un mizantrop neinteles si el, la fel ca noi de catre societate? Un individ cu pareri despre absolut orice, cu care poti discuta pana la cele mai mici ore ale diminetii fara a simti un strop de oboseala? Un barbat adevarat, adica un barbat cu principii, caracter, cu demnitate si onoare mai presus de orice, chiar si mai presus de o marime a penisului sau o marca a masinii pe care o conduce? Pai, nu prea mai o facem, majoritatea dintre noi. Ne-am complacut de o vreme buna in stereotipia de „curva” pentru ca era mai usor astfel. Ne-a convenit mai degraba sa luptam cu arme josnice pentru suprematia asupra barbatului, apeland la „calcaiele” sale slabe, lovind prin contur si forme, machiaj si culoare de par in instinctul sau de bruta sexuala. Majoritatea din noi s-a multumit doar cu atat, fara a dori sa mai exploateze si alte calitati. Si ne-am vandut. Si cat de ieftin! Pentru un Mercedes, pentru un statut social sau o promovare, pentru o vila in Sinaia sau un cont grasut intr-o oarecare banca fata de care nu vom avea vreo certitudine de posesie vreodata. Iar cele dintre noi care inca spera cu ochi de copil, spera in van.

Acele iluzii efemere incarnate in barbatul-perfect, cei imblanzitori, acele fiinte masculine ce dau impresia eronata a fi capabili de mai mult, se afla si ei intotdeauna la o cotitura de drumuri, implicit. Si ei au de facut o alegere: a adopta sau nu; a iubi cainii sau a-i intelege. Presupun ca nu ii poti condamna. La urma urmelor, cati oameni pe aceasta lume ar adopta o javra, un maidanez fara acte, cu dumnezeu stie cati pureci? Poate chiar si voi, cititorilor/lor, ati preferat un caine de rasa, cumparat dintr-un mall. De ce i-ati condamna tocmai pe ei? Stim careva din noi cati caini maidanezi mor anual pe strazile gri si ude ale orasului poleit cu nea? Ne pasa intr-atat incat sa accesam pe internet vreo statistica imediat dupa ce vom citi aceasta fraza? Filtrul ratiune-pragmatism ne acceseaza constiinta in timp ce mangaiem doi ochi tristi: „Cainii au pureci. Trebuiesc plimbati frecvent. Sunt o investitie in plus la buget. Ulterior, te indragostesti de ei si iti mor cand ti-e lumea mai draga, avand o durata de viata mai redusa decat a ta. Iti vor roade papucii. Iar mogaldeata asta din fata ta pe care o mangai cu o bucurie trecatoare mai are si vizibile probleme de adaptare”. Rezultatul nu poate fi mai simplu: Abandonul. Traiasca ratiunea in detrimentul umanismului. Traiasca instinctul: de conservare, sexual, de aparare, ce mai conteaza? Traisca! De trei ori Ura!

In principiu, Ura!

Spleenul nu poate trai si el o vesnicie. Uite asa, din cand in cand, politica de doi lei a Romaniei ce apasa orice muritor de rand, crimele si violurile de babe de la stirile Pro TV si chiar si artagosul tau de sef, toate-toate se evapora in neantul unei noi emotii - pasiunea: de viata, de iubire, de vise si visuri, de natura, de discutii, de zambet si lumina! Pasiunea de pasiune, de fapt!

Mergi pe strada si plutesti. Zambesti ca un nebun si lumea se uita chioras la tine. Si nu te deranjeaza. Tu stii de ce. Si doar cei care iti pot zambi inapoi pot intelege. Si e superb. Si te simti incredibil.

Sa iti poata auzi urechile in viata asta "Tu esti motivul pentru care sunt fericit" sau "nu am mai fost atat de impacat si fericit niciodata in viata asta ca acum"... e o viata pe care stii ca a meritat sa o traiesti cu toate bune si rele pentru a ajunge aici, in punctul asta in care cineva chiar... are nevoie de tine pentru ca tu esti tu si nimeni altcineva. Pentru ca tu esti balansul.


Iti iubeste sufletul.Poate ca nu te iubeste inca, si... chiar de simte asta, poate confunda usor un suflet gol cu unul imbracat in temperament si personalitate. Insa ce poate fi mai frumos de atat? Ce poate fi mai inaltator decat oglindirea ta in ochii celuilalt, in culoriile irisilor sai si in luciul si sclipirea de satin a freamatului sau pentru tine?

De trei ori Ura pentru Iubire!

Switchfoot - You

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Mogway - Cody

Of all I knew, her held too few.
And would you stop me, if I try to stop you.

Old songs stay 'til the end.
Sad songs remind me of friends.
And the way it is, I could leave it all
And I ask myself, would you care at all.

When I drive alone at night, I see the streetlights as fairgrounds
And I tried a hundred times to see the road signs as they glow.

Old songs, stay till the end.
Sad songs, remind me of friends.
And the way it is, I could leave it all
And I ask myself, would you care at all.

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"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
-St. Augustine

?...!...?

Sfarsesc fiecare zi cu un semn de exclamatie. Reincep fiece dimineata cu un semn de intrebare. Logica e cumva prea complexa. Chiar si pentru mine...

Undeva, de-a lungul a 24 de ore infernale, sufletul meu se zbate, lumea se ineaca, natura renaste si moare totodata. In mijlocul lor, a toate, stau eu - a nimanui, si risipesc orice rationament bolnav, omor demoni din sertare si schelete din dulapuri, fac o curatenie generala. Pun punctul. Dau pagina si pun capul pe perna.

Insa destinul nu doarme si timpul mi-e dusman. O dimineata noua se sparge in geam. Si vine... E aici. Si iar ma-ntreb.

A fi sau a nu fi... iubit

Adevarata ironie a vietii sta in nesincronicizarea iubirii. Avem in rest din toate cate putin pe palierul "coincidentelor perfecte": de la deja-vu-uri pana la prinderea tramvaiului de care aveai nevoie pentru a ajunge punctual la un interviu de angajare. Iubirea insa... "e lucrul dracului".

Dupa un studiu precar de ani consecutivi despre problematica sufletelor-pereche, dupa experientele empirice asimilate si adunate din jurnalul emotional al cunoscutilor, toate par a se subsuma unui concept pe care mi-am permis sa-l numesc "neconcordanta spatialo-temporala a iubirii adevarate". Teoria e simpla. A nu va speria sintagma. Sumarizarea consta adunarea firelor neinnodate inca si deducerea logica a rationamentului iubirii.

Ergo, pe intelesul tuturor: singura religie care face din actul iubirii un adevarat lacas sacru e Budhismul. Principiul egalitar al partii barbatesti cu partea femeiasca tinde sa surprinda orice indoctrinat crestin. Daca e sa privim in introspectie de-a lungul istoriei religiilor, vom putea constata (cu stupoare, pentru unii) ca majoritatea religiilor tindeau sa ofere sexului (dupa caz) o mai mare importanta in datini si traditii - lucru absolut logic si deductibil, dupa cazul matriarhatului/patriarhatului societal al acelei vremi. Budhismul insa, e singura ideologie spirituala care tinde sa egalizeze aceste sexe vorbindu-ne despre suflet. Iar sufletele sunt egale, nediferentiate, nedefinite. Ele sunt si atat.

Pornind de la suflet, ajungem la reincarnare: orice suflet pargurge un drum sinuos al initierii spirituale, obstacolele principale de invins fiind vietile. Nu una, ci nenumarate. Iar unul dintre cele mai mari obstacole in vietile parcurse este iubirea - parte incorporata si bazica a initierii spirituale. Mai concret, cu prima zvacnire de suflu ce te tranteste in materie, intrii in lupta cronosului fara de jumatate. Intrii injumatatit. Daca cumva vei reusi atingerea climaxului spiritual, ultima proba va fi cea a gasirii propriei jumatati din tine si a pastrarii ei pana la trecerea finala in nefiinta. Acea jumatate din tine se numeste uzual "suflet-pereche".

Ceea ce insa mi-a fost revelatoriu in urma discutiei cu un specialist esoteric pe aceasta tema tinde sa strice ziua oricarui optimist: sufletul-pereche traieste aceleasi vietii in care si sufletul tau injumatatit se reincarneaza, si sansele va vor surade intotdeauna sa va gasiti in orice reincarnare, insa niciodata sa va pastrati vesnici unul altuia in iubire, pana la proba finala.

Cu alte cuvinte, pe o nota mai ironic-optimista: Cum vei stii ca e sufletul tau pereche? V-ai despartit acum 5 ani si inca mai tanjesti dupa el, nemaifiind in stare sa ai vreo relatie normala? Cu siguranta el e! Uita-l, e sufletul tau pereche!

Subsumandu-mi propria experienta: ironia sincera a vietii este aceea de a nu fi niciodata (cu adevarat) iubit de oamenii pe care ii iubesti tu. Si atunci tinzi sa te indragostesti de oamenii care se indragostesc ei primii de tine.

bineinteles, acum ar fi momentul in care iubitorii de Biblie mi-ar arunca un comment in genul: lasa, mama, daca nu a fost sa fie, inseamna ca nu te-a meritat. SAU: ce-i al tau e pus deoparte (proverb chinezesc, hello? se referea de fapt la conceptualizarea pragmatica a fuziunii ultime a unui suflet pana atunci impartit in doua!)

Concluzie nu-i. Cautam doar sa scriu pentru a nu innebuni incet la constatarea dezamagitoare si amara ca... nicicum nu-i bine.
A) Te indragostesti lulea de un om si ai impresia ca e perfectul-perfectilor.
1. Nu te vrea.
2. Se dovedeste a fi in timp, exact opusul.
B) Se indragosteste omul de tine.
1. Nu il vrei.
2. Il iei de mila, plictis, disperare sau comoditate, poate te-i indragosti cumva de el (mai mult din obisnuinta si inertie), dar nu te va mai vrea el pe tine in timp.
C) Va indragostiti la prima vedere, mare dragoste mare.
Moare omu a doua zi dupa prima intalnire, mori tu de boala terminala, faceti accident de masina, pune vreo baba blesteme pe el, copii se nasc cu malformatii, unu din voi se sinucide, etc. Ca deh, Destinul. Daca Budhismul zice, asa trebuie sa fie!

Evident, ar mai fi o a patra varianta cu care cochetez de ceva vreme...

Solitudine.

Un altfel de "Noapte buna"

Sa te aflu,

Sa te vad,

Sa te ating,

Sa te respir,

Sa-ti vorbesc,

Sa ma-ntelegi,

Sa te sarut,

Sa te alint,

Sa te mangai,

Sa te rasfat,

Sa te strang la piept,

Sa te privesc,

Sa te dezbrac,

Sa te admir,

Sa ma joc in parul tau,

Sa-ti rasfat corpul,

Sa ne daruim,

Sa facem dragoste in nori,

Sa fii al meu, sa fiu a ta,

Sa ma iubesti,

Sa te iubesc,

Sa fii fericit,

Sa ne tinem in brate,

Sa-mpărtim o tigara,

Sa ne soptim vorbe dulci,

Sa fii tu,

Sa fiu eu,

Sa fim Noi.

As faith would have it...

Do you know how it feels like to know all your features without being able to touch you?
Or not to quit smoking because I'm waiting for the moment we'd share a cigarette together along with some wine and a hug?
How every guy that wants me sickens me because he's not you?
Have you ever sacrificed your last moments before you fell asleep to think of me or spent the first thoughts of a fresh morning wondering how I've slept?
Have you thought of moving to another time or place out of love?
Do you ever feel you'd breathe in vain if I'd die tomorrow?
Or do you feel anxious if you ever get to spend more than two days without hearing from me?
Am I the first person you call when you're happy or when you're sad?
Am I the last person you'd ever want to hurt?
Did you ever fantasize about our future together? Did you ever wonder how it would be like?
How our kids would look like? How we'd look like together when we're grey and old?
How my hair would feel on your skin?
How your fingers would feel as they would be touching my face?
And how your lips would feel on mine?
Have you ever wondered how my shoulders smell like in the summer?
Or how I like to drink my coffee in the morning?
Ever thought your life is cursed with impossible desires?


As faith would have it... I did. So many times I did. And I still do. But I'm still addicted to you.

The Egg

By: Andy Weir

You were on your way home when you died.

It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.

And that’s when you met me.

“What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”

“You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.

“There was a… a truck and it was skidding…”

“Yup,” I said.

“I… I died?”

“Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.

You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?”

“More or less,” I said.

“Are you god?” You asked.

“Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.”

“My kids… my wife,” you said.

“What about them?”

“Will they be all right?”

“That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.”

You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn’t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.

“Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn’t have time to grow contempt for you. You wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation, she’ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.”

“Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?”

“Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.”

“Ah,” you said. “So the Hindus were right,”

“All religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.”

You followed along as we strode through the void. “Where are we going?”

“Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.”

“So what’s the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won’t matter.”

“Not so!” I said. “You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t remember them right now.”

I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.

“You’ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you’d start remembering everything. But there’s no point to doing that between each life.”

“How many times have I been reincarnated, then?”

“Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.” I said. “This time around, you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.”

“Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?”

“Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.”

“Where you come from?” You said.

“Oh sure,” I explained “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you’ll want to know what it’s like there, but honestly you wouldn’t understand.”

“Oh,” you said, a little let down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.”

“Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don’t even know it’s happening.”

“So what’s the point of it all?”

“Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?”

“Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted.

I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.”

“You mean mankind? You want us to mature?”

“No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.”

“Just me? What about everyone else?”

“There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.”

You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…”

“All you. Different incarnations of you.”

“Wait. I’m everyone!?”

“Now you’re getting it,” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.

“I’m every human being who ever lived?”

“Or who will ever live, yes.”

“I’m Abraham Lincoln?”

“And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too,” I added.

“I’m Hitler?” You said, appalled.

“And you’re the millions he killed.”

“I’m Jesus?”

“And you’re everyone who followed him.”

You fell silent.

“Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.”

You thought for a long time.

“Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?”

“Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my child.”

“Whoa,” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?”

“No. Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you’ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.”

“So the whole universe,” you said, “it’s just…”

“An egg.” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.”

And I sent you on your way.

Forever

*
Forever at crossroads, forever wondering,

Forever insane, forever pondering,
Forever left in endless wonder,
Forever whisper of angels under.

Forever left, forever shimmer,
Forever fly, forever shiver,
Forever crawl, forever burn,
Forever wait on Ace’s turn.

Forever end, forever ride,
Forever burn on endless tide,
Forever save, forever kill,
Forever wait sweet winter’s chill.

Forever crawl in muds of dark,
Forever burn in jaws of shark,
Forever walk in sins of fire,
Forever end in times to dire.

Forever fly in endless skies,
Forever drawn in lakes of lies,
Forever swim in seas of hate,
Forever saved, but way too late.

Forever ride on wheels of fire,
Forever kill and never tire,
Forever monsters in my head,
Forever die, forever dead…

The Analects

Am dat peste niste colectii vechi de foi cu de toate acum cateva zile. Printre ele am gasit si cateva cuvinte de "Doamne-ajuta" si recitindu-le am simtit nevoia sa le postez si aici. Aici, pentru ca blogul asta a devenit in scurt timp mai plin de influente benefice decat orice document listat si apoi aruncat intr-un colt. Blogul asta imi ofera momentan iluzia faptului ca scriu cu mai mare importanta orice aberatie ce a avut nefericita soarta de a-mi traversa sinapsele.

1. "Never impose on others what you would not choose for yourself."

It’s the "Golden Rule" and the essence of real compassion . Not compassion as in looking down on someone and have pity for another, this is no real compassion. Compassion means seeing another person 100% equal to yourself (in value, not in differentials on the surface which ultimately do not matter). In fact it is seeing yourself in every other person. And therefore you cannot harm anyone without also harming yourself.

It doesn’t mean to lose individuality or self-worth, on the contrary – but the other person earns the same gift.

2. "Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance."

That’s my personal favorite quote since it expresses something very profound which also is very useful to know: Ignorance is a willful neglect or refusal to acquire knowledge. It is not widen one’s own perspective in order to see a broader truth. As an example it would be to have racist thoughts and not realizing that all men are equal.

The ultimate truth therefore is where there is absolutely no ignorance, meaning where the perspective or consciousness has become one with all that there is. In Buddhism ignorance (Avidyā) is seen as the primary cause of suffering. Liberation is Enlightenment. Another quote by Confucius here is "Ignorance is the night of the mind, but a night without moon and star."

3. "I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand."

Those quotes are just perfect. What he is expressing here is that we have to experience something ourselves in order to really understand it. If we are hearing something it might be interesting. If we are seeing something it might be beautiful. But only if we feel in happening to ourselves we can really know how it is.

Picture something nice as winning an Olympic gold medal or picture something terrifying as the loss of a loved one. Can you know this by hearing it or by seeing it? Or do you have to do it and experience it yourself to really know it?

Along with this realization comes the awareness that you cannot understand someone or his actions from hearing or seeing it from the outside. You have to feel empathic compassion for him to really know what it is like. To know and not to do is really not to know. Only by applying our knowledge we can validate it’s harmony with reality, it’s truth.

4. "Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it."

Amazing. It calls for dropping the inner mask through which we constantly see and evaluate the world, distorted by our wants and belief-systems. Here we have to look at things as they are. Just like a newborn child would look at things. Then we are able to really see again, without instant labeling of what we see and therefore only really seeing our label. If we become able to do this – just for a second without judgment, we can see that everything in nature is as it should be. And in this natural perfection lies beauty.

5. "The Superior Man is aware of Righteousness, the inferior man is aware of advantage."

Another quote is "The object of the superior man is truth." It is the value of integrity: Do we act to our best knowledge of truth or do we bend ourselves and violate our integrity in order to gain an advantage? Do we play fair game or use perfidious tactics?

To be truthful to ourselves is also important to the development of (good) character. And it is the only straight way to liberation.

6. "Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart."

Whatever you do and whatever you commit to, do it fully, give your all – one hundred percent. It is the essence of Carpe Diem – Seizing the day and it’s surely the best way to be satisfied with what we do and get the best results.

7. "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in getting up every time we do."

There is no failure, there are only valuable learning experiences. Or as Thomas Edison about inventing the light bulb said: "I have not failed, I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work." The important thing is not giving up, but learning and then improving by using this feedback to get better and ultimately succeed.

A quote expressing the same principle is "A man who has committed a mistake and doesn’t correct it, is committing another mistake."

8. "He who learns but does not think, is lost. He who thinks but does not learn is in great danger."

Confucius explains the connection of learning and reflection. Reflection of that what we learned by thinking or of the results we get by applying the knowledge. "Study without reflection is a waste of time; reflection without study is dangerous" is a similar quote by Confucius. Learning is only useful if we connect the learning within our own minds, with what we already know and what is useful for us. This reflection of any knowledge also saves us from blindly following any knowledge without checking its truthfulness and validity to us.

I think everybody experienced learning when we really want this knowledge and interweave it with what we already know. If there is a need or problem we want to solve, the consume knowledge much more effective than it happens for students in many universities.

9. "He that would perfect his work must first sharpen his tools."

This quote calls for planning and preparation. This includes getting and improving the personal skills we need to be successful. If we want to hold speeches we have to become good with communication skills. If we want to win a race we have to train for it. If we want to do a big project we need knowledge in project management. Steven Covey calls it Sharpening the saw, read about it here.

10. "If you look into your own heart, and you find nothing wrong there, what is there to worry about? What is there to fear?"

It shows that our primary work lies within ourselves: to work on ourselves and improve will automatically take care of the outside world if we use our abilities then. "When we see men of a contrary character, we should turn inwards and examine ourselves." The solution to problems is not "out there". It is the Inside-Out approach: success and happiness can only be found by working on ourselves. It also entails the spiritual message to look inside and to discover ourselves fully.

Trip to Cucuta - Scene III

The family is in a salvage boat, near the ship. The scene is divided between the two sides: the captain on the ship, the family in the salvage boat.

Commander: (laughing in the most evil way possible)
Wife: Hey! You said it’s just for one minute!
Butchy: A minute on the moon, lady!
Wife: What did he mean?
Father: (bored) Well, honey, as you know, on the moon everything is… slower…

(the Commander and Butchy exit the stage laughing of contempt)

Eatel: (still in the water) Dad?
Father: (continuing his discussion with his wife) …even TIME!!! (angry) This is only your fault! You just couldn’t keep your mouth shut, could you?
Eatel: Dad?
Father: (still continuing his discussion with his wife) Now what are we going to do???
Eatel: Da-aaaad?
Father: (screaming) What?!
Eatel: (calm) Sorry to interrupt, but… (angry) pull me out of the water or I’ll fucking kill you! (calm again) I hardly want to become shark food.
Father: Sorry, my child.
(a sound like rubber life boat, a sound that reveals that Eatel is pulled out of the water, the fathers effort to do that)

Drinka: (still depressed because of her breakup and advanced insobriety) He wasn’t kidding! Look! Sharks! Thank you, God, you answered my prayers!
Wife: She’s right! What are we going to do?
(Panic in the salvage boat)
Drinka: Told you I’m sleeping with the fishieeeee… look, big fishieeee!
Wife: I’m very lucky today! Lets draw lots! The one who loses jumps overboard!
Father: (to himself) I lost once, I won’t lose twice! (loudly) Lets do it!
Eatel: But…why?
(Drinka still singing “sleeping with the fishies”in the background)
Wife: What do you mean “Why?” Because the sharks can eat only one person and if you go --- I mean… if no one goes --- the shark will upset the boat and we’ll all drown! Come on, be reasonable! See? Drinka embraces the idea!
Eatel: Mum, I know that you don’t love me and that you want to get rid of me, but I won’t do it! (as he begins to say this a very sad violin music starts playing in the background. Once his mum replies, the music should stop with a scratch)
Wife: (shuts up for a second, the turns suddenly at the Father) So where do we find some straws?
Father: I don’t know, woman! Why are you looking at me for?
Eatel: My instep itches!
Wife: What do you mean why am I looking at you for? You’re the one who packs a dozen luggages for every trip!!!
Father: Well, you’re the one that proposed we draw lots!
Eatel: My instep itches!!!
Wife: Well… at least I had an idea!
Drinka: His instep itches!!!
Father: (calm) My child, take off your shoe and scratch it off. (angry turning at wife) Well, at least I don’t have a mouth that gets us in trouble every single time we get out of the house!
Eatel: (in relief) Oh, yeaaaaaaaah….
Drinka and Wife (twanging and sniffing) What’s that smell? Uh!
Father: Eatel, my child, put your shoe back on!
Eatel: But I’m not done yet! (sound of scratching)
Father: Then put it into the water for a while!
Eatel: OK… (sound effect like he put his shoe into the water)
(a moment of silence… they all seem to look for something in the water)
Drinka: (upset) Heeeeeey… Where’s the shark?
Eatel: Well… it’s right here, near me… but… it’s…dead.
Drinka: (suicidal again, starts crying) God… please kill me now, it’s easier…
Father: You can pull out your shoe now.
Eatel: OK.
Wife: Look! Earth!
Father: Good! All of you, step on! (sound effect of a motorboat, scene closes)

Cand prietena cea mai buna e ne...buna...

Eu: o antisociala, o critica, o analista, o scarba de aia care iti spune totul verde in fata, brutal de-a dreptul. Ce mai, o nenorocita incomoda, de-a dreptu!

Ea: little chiut fluffy dog lover, cu obsesii pricipiale pe care din pacate si le respecta doar in 90% din cazuri, iar doamne fereste ca tu sa nu le respecti cu 10% mai mult decat ea, caci ii esti dusman de moarte!

Relatia noastra de pana azi-perspectiva mea: Clasa a 2-a: Sabina, mai taca-ti fleanca, te crezi vedeta de behai in ore? Clasa a 6-a: nu, nu-mi place britney spears, dar vrei sa asculti linkin park? moment in care sabina stramba din nas si ma considera satanista :D Clasa a 9-a: pfff... lasa-ma in pace, nu am chef de tine, de voi, de toti, sunt emo si vreau sa-mi tai venele! Clasa a 10-a: cum adica o sa stau cu tine in banca? Doamna diriginta, nu se poate altfel? Bine... daca te prind ca copiezi de la mine, te omor! Clasa a 10-a, dupa 2 saptamani: lucrare: pst, scrie si punctul asta ca-i de 0,5. Sau: da, ai avut dreptate, rozul ma prinde chiar bine. Sau: ba, maine chiulim la o cafa in bar? Clasa a 12: ea e sora-mea, Sabina, faceti cunostinta! Facultate: Lasa, Sab, nu mai plange, era oricum un porc! Sau: Cum adica ti-a dat o licenta copy-paste cand tu i-ai platit 200 de euro??? Hai, ma, cum s-o pici? Cand trebuie s-o predai? MAINE??? Dar acum e ora 9 seara, femeie!!! Bine, in jumate de ora sunt la tine s-o muncim! Mamiiii, eu ma duc la Sab s-o ajut la licenta, te ocupi tu te rog de ultimele verificari la licenta mea??? Sau: Dudooo, primul concert?!!! Clar ca ca vin! Clar ca te machiez! Clar ca te coafez! Clar ca stau dupa fundul tau sa iasa totul bine, ca apoi dupa concert sa ma lasi singura printre necunoscuti pentru a vbi cu toti, mai putin cu mine. Dar e ok, berea ne salveaza pe toti, ma duc sa-mi mai iau una. Sau: Dudo, al Nshpe-lea concert? Idem!!! Sau: ora 2 a.m. Somn de voie. Suna telefonul: What happened? OK, calm down, Sab, nu mai plange si spune-mi ce s-a intamplat. ora 4 a.m. Somn de voie. Sabina mai linistita. Trezirea pt job la 6:30 a.m.

Dar: Tzrrr-Sabina pt ca m-am despartit de prieten, am ganduri sinucigase, insa ea a prins un drum destul de usor spre vedetismul muzical romanesc si e la Bucuresti: abonatul X nu poate fi contactat. Sau cri...cri...cri... nu raspunde.
Dar: Fac treaba a 3 oameni la job, multi-tasking, stres, telefoanele suna, ma suna Sabina, nu-i raspund pentru ca sunt in timpul programului, nu am timp nici sa fumez o tigara, la naiba! La ora 17 imi face capul calendar ca putea sa aiba o urgenta si eu am fost prea ocupata pentru ea! Tot timpul eu nu ii raspund la telefoane! Tot timpul am altceva mai bun de facut! (tanti, noi muritorii de rand, astia non-artisti, avem programe fixe, stiti, noi tre sa munci 40 de ore pe saptamana ca sa ne castigam painea, nu doua ore la un concert.)
Dar: Sabina se supara pe mine pentru ca am avut aroganta nerusinata de a nu pupa decat o persoana din grup (si nu pe ea, vai!) cand vine la mine in vizita pe fuga, stand in fata casei, refuzand sa-mi calce pragul pentru ca se grabeste, trantindu-mi in brate chitara pe care i-o imprumutasem; nu conta ca si eu ma grabeam ca aveam oale pe aragaz; problema era, nu ca ea nu m-a pupat EA pe mine, ci nu am pupat-o EU pe ea. l-am pupat doar pe prietenul ei care era la indemana si se inclinase spre mine sa ma tzuce pe obraz in timp ce eu incercam sa parcurg drumul spre chitara.
Dar: Sabina care ma lasa de izbeliste pe la concerte se supara cand in cadrul unei intalniri in 3 intre prieteni eu si cealalta persoana comunicam timp de 2 ore pe un subiect in care putea la fel de bine sa participe. Nu. Ea astepta ca cei doi pasionati de respectivul subiect sa se opreasca dintr-o data, in mod miraculos, si s-o pupe in fund ca ea se plictiseste. Tanti, cand ai ceva de comunicat, deschide gura, misca-ti buzele si foloseste cuvinte pentru a-ti exprima doleanta. Oamenii inca nu au ajuns la o astfel de evolutie incat sa poata citi ganduri!
Dar: Eu incerc sa dau de o saptamana de ea si ea refuzase pana azi sa imi raspunda la mesaje, telefoane si postari pe facebook pentru ca am avut nesimtirea de a nu o pupa pe maica-sa acum... hm... 2 saptamani. Reactie intarziata, dat fiind faptul ca ne mai intalnisem pana atunci. Ciudat lucru: sa primesti telefon de la prietena ta (ne)buna prin care te instiinteaza ca nu mai te vrea in viata ei pentru ca nu ai pupat-o pe maica-sa dupa ce ai salutat-o. Ah...Ce? Inca odata: Ce?! Sa mai adaug ca... daca e sa comparam situatiile, Sab nu mi-a pupat parintii niciodata? But hey, principiile astea sunt sfinte pentru unii oameni daca si numai daca (deductie logica, din materia de clasa a 9-a, da?) ceilalti le aplica cu sfintenie!

Si acum cateva exemple:
1. Ea primeste papucii, apeleaza la mine. Eu primesc papucii, apelez la ratiune, imi bag p*** in dobitoc si merg inainte, life is short.
2. Ea nu da de mine pe telefon la o urgenta, imi sare in cap ca nu ii sunt prietena. Eu nu dau de ea cand am o urgenta, ma gandesc ca o avea si ea o urgenta a ei, mai mare ca a mea si apelez la altcineva.
3. Ea pleaca la bucuresti, in spania, in turnee, concerte, vedetisme, e ocupata sa ne vedem sau sa ne vbim la telefon, sa ma intrebe de viata pentru ca incearca sa-si cladeasca cariera. Eu plec in germania, cum sa ii spun ca ne intalnim pe skype la ora x si sa ajung peste 3 ore? Ea avea nevoie la ora X sa fiu pe skype ca s-o intreb de viata!
4. s.a.m.d.

Nota pentru sine:
Mi se pare mie sau Sabina seamana temperamentalo-caracterial cu ex-soacra-mea? Daaaaamn...

***

Anul acesta devine din ce in ce mai constructiv. Am senzatia ca mi se daduse o sansa reala de a-mi pune viata in ordine pana in acest an. Cum bunavointa divina a destinului s-a dovedit a fi desarta pentru alegerile mele tampe in viata, ceva mai presus de puterile mele a preluat controlul.

Ergo: in acest an am scapat de doi paraziti psihici si am re/castigat doi prieteni. Am facut un pas inapoi de unde eram pentru a putea relua drumul pe alta cale mai buna. Am ajuns prin toate loviturile parsive primite in spate sa imi constientizez pentru prima data reala "persona" si identitate si revelatia e ca niciodata nu credeam ca pot ajunge atat de detasata de fiintele din viata mea, punandu-ma pe mine pe primul loc, inaintea prietenilor, iubitilor, sotilor, parintilor.

Un as de o culoare ciudata, pe care nu-l mai trasesem niciodata din pot: egoismul - manifest phoenician al unei piei cu prea multe cicatrici ce trebuia schimbata. Da, ma simt bine in pielea mea!